loss of passion and INTIMACY

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Infidelity is the single largest reason for couples separating in the UK. Infidelity does not only happen in unhappy marriages; it can happen to good people in good marriages/relationships.

The workplace, and the internet especially have proved fertile ground for people finding friendships which have gone on to be more than just friendships. Whether it be an ‘affair’ or a ‘one off’ event, once infidelity has been discovered it creates all kinds of negativities such as accusations blame justifications etc but often there are two over-ridding issues which need to be worked through - trust and suspicion.

Rebuilding trust and reducing lingering suspicion, requires a great deal of effort and commitment from both partners.

The person who discovers their partner has been unfaithful, can often feel they won’t ever be able to fully trust their partner again.

Furthermore, feelings of suspicion are always in the background and surface whenever their partner is late home or doesn’t answer their phone despite the being valid and genuine explanations. This can sabotage any chance of the relationship ever properly recovering and moving forward.

For the partner who has been unfaithful, it can be difficult to deal with the feelings of guilt and constant self-questioning about all sorts of things. It can also be tough having to deal with the feelings that they are now going to be under constant 24-hour surveillance.

However all of these issues can be resolved through counselling.

For over twenty years I have worked with couples and individuals helping them to heal and cope so that they can make the kinds of decisions which allow them to move forward positively and find happiness.

Communication is one of the most powerful tools we can have to help us get through life comfortably and with as little conflict as possible.

However for all of us at some point in our lives it can feel that we just aren’t able to get our point across or others (partners, family, friends, work colleagues etc) just don’t seem to understand what we are trying to say or sometimes don’t even bother to listen to us properly.

This can make us feel quite isolated and sometimes feel really frustrated and quite depressed too.

Counselling can provide an opportunity to look at how you are attempting to communicate with others and examine where improvements might be made so that you can feel heard and your views and feelings appreciated.

Many people are very comfortable with sexual labels and are quite happy to identify themselves as straight gay or bisexual.

However, despite society being more open and tolerant than it’s ever been some feel their sexuality isn’t that simple.  Men particularly can find themselves wrestling with questions about their sexuality. Some identify as heterosexual, marry and have children. 

For over 25 years my work with men has shown that this group will more than likely fall into one of these categories: 

- Some may suppress these feelings for their entire lives, without ever acting on them; 

- Others try, to suppress these feelings, but later in life come out as gay and find eventual happiness with a same sex partner.  

- Having a loving same sex relationship just doesn’t feel right.  Instead they choose only to have casual sexual encounters with other men keeping them anonymous and functional, managing this situation their whole life without their partner or family ever being aware. However, at times this scenario can be stressful, and the feelings of deceit and guilt can be hard to manage.

Counselling can certainly help.

For over 25 years I have worked with hundreds of men working through all areas of sexuality without any pressure or judgement at all, simply helping them to make the right decisions and choices so that they can lead happier and healthier lives.

Surveys have shown that most men at some time in their lives will act on their curiosity regarding pornography.  For some this could be a cursory investigation but for others it can become part of their sexual pattern of behaviour. 

Pornography often allows people to escape into a world free of responsibilities and the demands and expectations of others.  This can become addictive and for many men it is  something  they find difficult to talk about, felling  guilty or ashamed about their behaviour. 

For over twenty years I have helped hundreds of men to regain control  over their behaviour enabling them to  make the right choices and decisions so that they can move forward happily and healthily. 

Everyone at some point in their lives will experience stress and some form of anxiety.  The two are linked but are quite different: Just by understanding which of the two you are experiencing can go some way to getting the right kind of help.

Stress is usually a response to an event or something ‘external’ like a tight deadline you must meet at work or an argument with someone. These things can stress us out. Sometimes these events can all come on top of each other and it feels like you just can’t cope! The important thing to note about stress is that it will or should reduce once these stressful situations have been dealt with or passed.

Anxiety however is how we react to stress and how we deal with it. It’s about our internal feelings, which are not always rational or proportionate. The important thing about anxiety is that the feelings, often of apprehension fear and dread don’t seem to reduce even after the stressful events have passed. There are many different types of anxiety and stress is a common trigger for all of them. For some people if their anxiety is not worked through and dealt with it can lead to more serious types of anxiety called ‘anxiety disorders’.

For most people however, Counselling can help prevent anxiety progressing to these more serious levels. Counselling can also help you identify and manage stress, enabling you to keep anxiety levels low and preventing it from affecting your day-to-day life.